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Joke of the Day

"Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent. All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it"

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat The Wheelchair Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat, The wheelchair"

"Here's what I'd like for my birthday: Everyone in the world, chewing with their mouths closed for the remainder of my life."

"I went to an NBA game and there was a female referee She only made 75% of the calls that the male referees made."

"Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled ""dead."" No dice! Thank god---hang in there, celebs!"

"[wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? ""I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"""

"I accidentally wet the bed I share with my girlfriend.... She's still pissed"

"What idiot called it a national anthem instead of country music?"

"What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays"

"this guy was telling my friend from puerto rico trump was gonna deport him and send him back to mexico I never laughed my ass off so hard."