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Joke of the Day
"You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven't f*cked off or died yet."
Next Joke
"What color do you think Eddie Smurphy was? Blue, you racists"
"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? Don't know, don't care."
"I was eating out this girl the other day and there was Horse semen in there and I was like ""Damn,Grandma that is how you died"""
"Q: Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? A: Because they are all wet."
"A man goes to the doctor and says ""Doctor! I've broken my arm in several places!"" The Doctor looks at him like he's an idiot and says ""Well then, don't go to those places..."""
"*orders pepperoni pizza* Her: you need to start taking better care of yourself. *calls back, adds mushrooms*"
"If you see a cat with a dart in it, that's my cat and I need him back, we aren't done yet."
"France FINALLY won a war! Too bad it was against Lance Armstrong."
"[gameshow] me: [visibly doing maths on my fingers] ""17"" host: [looks at me weird] ""that's wrong"" other contestant: ""salmon?"" host: ""correct"""