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Joke of the Day

"New acronym we need: IDOCHBEI ""I'm doing okay considering how bad everything is."" Pronounced: ""ih-DOCK-bay"""

"""WE WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH! After you try this delicious glazed poultry I've prepared for you all."" --General Tso"

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them"

"Knock knock *knock knock* ""who's there?"" *knock knock* ""who's there?"" *knock knock* ""who's there?"" *knock knock* ""Quick! Open the coffin I don't think he's dead!"""

"How to kill two birds with one stone: Step 1: throw a stone at a bird Step 2: go pick up that stone Step 3: throw it at another bird"

"What is the difference between an old bus depot and a lobster with boobs? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"Whenever I show someone a picture on my phone, I assume ninja stance in case they start scrolling."

"What do you call a coi fish that can't swim? A decoi"

"Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime."

"That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off..."