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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?? A hooker can clean her crack and sell it again."

"""I totally nailed that guy"" - Roman soldiers"

"There are 10 kinds of people... Those who understand binary code, And those who don't."

"I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window."

"[A field] *An elderly Louie Pasteur and I sit among the clover, I hold a shotgun* Me: It's time to put you out to pasture. *Cocks shotgun*"

"This kitty has really overstayed its welcome. All hello and no goodbye."

"It's a damn shame when a man works hard all week then comes home for dinner and relaxation but has to work extra hard to get love and appreciation from his woman."

"I just want a woman who has a great sense of humor about being a supermodel."

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"My nights 50% sleeping 50% avoiding getting up to pee"