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Joke of the Day
"Whenever I show someone a picture on my phone, I assume ninja stance in case they start scrolling."
Next Joke
"Roses are red, Violets are Blue. I have one mom, Kylie Jenner has two."
"I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music... and call it Brian Beano."
"Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping? You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps."
"""That feels good. That feels good. That feels good. That feels good. That feels good. I WILL BITE YOU!"" --Cats"
"Possessed by a demon? Need help? A 30-minute cardio exorcise should do the trick!"
"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"
"Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth? The bird doesn't feel he's home."
"How do you defeat an American? Don't do anything, just place a mirror in front of them and see as they squirm."
"On the news: there's a shortage of maternity-ward staff. You could say it's a bit of a...*looks away* *mumbles* MIDWIFE crisis! (...sorry.)"