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Joke of the Day

"You know what I find odd? Every other number"

"I watched a documentary on hallucinogenic drugs yesterday. It's a good way to watch a documentary."

"Did you know there's a species of antelope that can jump higher than a two story house? This is mostly because the antelope has powerful hind leg muscles, and houses can't jump."

"The doctor told me I couldn't lift large objects for two weeks after surgery. Guess I'll be peeing sitting down for awhile."

"What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch? Namaste (better to say it aloud)"

"I'm not letting anyone into my head until I've cleaned up the place."

"NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*"

"I got banned from B&Q in Glasgow today Some cunt came up to me in an orange apron and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in."

"I'm so sick of this debate. Of COURSE, the chicken came first! Are you saying I don't know how to properly fuck a chicken?"

"I may not be smart and I may not be skinny and I may not be tan and I may not be cheerful and I may not be tall and I may not be sober and I"