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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever seen the movie ""constipation?"" No? Well that's because it hasn't come out yet."

"Officer: Do you know you have a blinker out? Me: Yes, officer. Officer: When did you plan on getting that fixed? Me: 2005"

"Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth? Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion."

"[showing my family to coworker] This is a picture of my daughter & my cat. Mittens & Jack. ""You named your daughter Jack?"" Nope, mittens"

"Everyone wants to see fifty shades of grey Being colorblind fucking sucks!"

"I went on Reddit once I reg-Reddit"

"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."

"When improv teams ask for suggestions, I like to yell ""Learn a trade before your father cuts you off financially!"""

"Me to Dr: I have no energy lately. Dr: you need to exercise more Me:... Dr:... Me: Let's start this again."

"Did you hear about the blonde that tried to walk around the world? She drowned."