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Joke of the Day

"In capitalist America... bank robs you!"

"Why couldn't we get precise kinetic data on the phosphine-catalyzed reaction? The reaction rate was too phos-phor-us"

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So they don't get mistaken for feminists."

"I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's seven years ago But it feels like it was just yesterday"

"Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview"

"Who was the worlds first capenter? Eve, she made Adam's banana stand."

"Frederick W. Smith created a company because he needed money to pay maintenance to his ex wife. He called it Fed*Ex*."

"Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects."

"I've been doing this new program called 'Cooking with Nature: Chinese Edition' You'd think it would be tough, but it's just a wok in the park."

"Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? ""So retro!"", you'd think as you were vaporized."