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Joke of the Day

"Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car."

"Me: Siri, what is happiness? Siri: [in Batman voice] You will never know."

"I lost my job as a waiter Apparently, I had insulted an infamous mafia boss by taking away his plate. He told me he was Don"

"Emotions are like shit Sometimes you've gotta let it out"

"What do you call a camera with severe mood swings? A BiPolaroid"

"What's a good punch line to a Nazi themed anti-joke? Can you **not see** where I am going with this?"

"Just dropped my iPhone in the bath tub. I think it's syncing."

"A tree falls on my kitchen, who's dead? My wife, if she doesn't clean that shit up."

"How can I face the problem? When my problem is my face!"

"A different Roman walks into a bar... Hey cousin, want to go bowling?"