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Joke of the Day

"What happened to the plant outside the math class window? It grew square roots."

"Guys, enough jokes about the Patriots... they are getting a little flat."

"Why did Moses lead the Jews around the desert for 40 years? Because someone dropped a quarter."

"I have emo shoes. They have tortured soles."

"What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing."

"Of course Tom Cruise will complete his mission. With Xenu, all things are possible."

"Why do black people where baggy pants? 'Cause they're knee grows!"

"(in dog boss' office) ""Smith, you're fired."" Fine. I guess I'll just WALK out... (boss' tail starts wagging) ""Wait Smith get back here"""

"What's the difference between you and a brick? Bricks can get laid."

"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."