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Joke of the Day

"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."

"""I'm too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time"" ~Management"

"It's hard to get a lot done when you're busy having a snack every 15 minutes"

"How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!"

"I just got a new universal remote Wow! This changes everything..."

"[Fixed] They say when you shave it, it grows back thicker. That explains what happened to those pounds my wife ""shaved off."""

"I told the 8 clowns in a tiny cop car to ""clown arrest me! Take me to clown jail!"" And they did. Bail has been set at 150 banana cream pies."

"If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they're whispering ""no weirdos please"" to themselves."

"Why didn't the sun go to college? He already had 28 billion degrees."

"I'm quite lazy, so I use my toes to pick things up from the ground... ...You could say my feet come pretty handy."