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Joke of the Day
"I have a huge clock. Some would even say it's pendulous."
Next Joke
"Just found a hole in my sock and now I'm worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant."
"Did you hear about the little skunk who got lost in the woods? He called home on his smell phone."
"1. Put ""Out of Order"" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, ""Stairs can't be out of order!"" and uses them. 3. Release the bees."
"[interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard"
"The best revenge is living well, unless you own a flamethrower."
"His last words were, ""I'm just going to tell her to calm down, and remind her that she still hasn't made dinner."""
"Plot twist: name your pets after passwords."
"i sold all my lizards to buy my girlfriend a Toyota Tundra but she sold her drivers license to buy me a awesome obstacle course for lizards"
"I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear."