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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter? Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT: removed explanation."

"I rely too much on Outlook. My calendar has ""leave work"" at 6, ""brush teeth"" tonight at 11, and a ""blink"" alert recurring every 2.5 seconds."

"I got the book ""Front Page of the Internet for Dummies"" from a friend... But I need to take it back, because I already reddit."

"'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'"

"Who invented mince? A leper playing guitar."

"Do you want to hear a joke about pizza? nevermind its so cheesy"

"""Members of the jury, how do u find the defendant?"" ""we... can't find him at all"" ""DAMMIT THIS IS THE 3RD MURDER WALDO HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH"""

"What does Hitler and Barney Stinson have in common? They are both legend... wait for it ...aryan"

"1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Say your name is Waldo 4) Leave"

"Jokes What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta"