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Joke of the Day

"A cactus as a houseplant is a good way to let people know that you've killed every other living thing that you've ever been responsible for."

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood."

"Don't expect a ""bless you"" after the 4th sneeze...get your shit together."

"I think deja vu is bullshit and this isn't the first time I've thought that."

"Q: What happens when two snails fight? A: They slug it out."

"Buddy of mine asked what will happen if Trump got elected... I replied, ""There will be hell toupee"""

"If I had a dollar for every repost I saw on r/Jokes... I'd have like a lot of money."

"Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him."

"Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Gobble til you wobble! Me: *mutters* How bout you slobble on my knobble CW: What was that? Me: You too"

"Did you hear about the new Italian tires? Dago here, dago there, and when dago flat, dago wop wop wop."