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Joke of the Day

"sent someone a text that said ""you need medieval catheter"" when i actually meant ""medical attention"" and i didn't bother correcting myself"

"Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip ""Syrian Refugee 1 and 2"" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles."

"Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that."

"What's an oldie, but a goodie? A MILF's vagina."

"I just found a Cheerio in my sofa and we don't have any Cheerios in this house. *eats it"

"Why do Mexicans eat beans? so they can take bubble baths."

"I invented a new word! Plagiarism!"

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the Mainstream."

"How are a tupperware container and a walrus alike? They both like a tight seal."

"My science teacher said he was going to show me his transistor. Imagine my surprise when a girl with a penis appeared."