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Joke of the Day

"Why do Mexicans eat beans? so they can take bubble baths."

"I'm white, but... Nope. Can't do one of those today. Look, I'm at a B&B on Cape Cod right now. I'm a fanny pack away from translucent."

"What did one dead American cop say to the other dead American cop? Waaazzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppp."

"Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years."

"PERSON: Want a slice? ME: No thanks, trying to eliminate bread P: From your diet? M [having sworn to destroy all bread]: Sure...from my diet"

"What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles!"

"How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Poke 'em on!"

"What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges."

"I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, ""I refuse to sink."" It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?"

"Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? Twitter only allows 160 characters"