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Joke of the Day

"How to be a Canadian: 1) Love hockey 2) Use good manners 3) Drink Tim Hortons 4) Live in a igloo 5) Hunt moose with stick"

"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"

"I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless."

"I can't stand being in a wheelchair. Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny."

"I'm into perpendicular lines. I'm a bisectual"

"I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends."

"Give it to me, I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me! no matter how much she begged, I would't give her the umbrella"

"Why did the dolphin commit suicide? Because his life had no porpoise"

"*puts dreamcatcher above bed* ""Sure hope this works"" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* ""YES"""

"Wanna hear my construction joke? I'm still working on it..."