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Joke of the Day

"Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can't part with them Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted? Me: Um no, just holding hands"

"I took my skateboard around my friend's house. ""Wanna see me kickflip?"" I asked. ""No..."" he sighed. He really regrets naming his dog ""Flip""."

"What do pregnant women and prostitutes have in common? (w)hormones! NB: inspired by my hormonal pregnant wife."

"What do you think of men who likes to eat fish? I think they are Sofishticated. I'll show myself out."

"Irish Nessie Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie. It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells. It's a knock-less monster."

"What is a mummies favorite genre of music? Wrap"

"My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy."

"Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone."

"The son comes out to his dad The son says to his dad: Dad, I am gay. His dad says: You're not gay. Elton John is gay. You're a morose son of a bitch."

"Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer."