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Joke of the Day

"Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer."

"I'll never read pride & prejudice I'm way to good to get into a book that probably goes all preachy on me"

"So i went to my first fight club gathering I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody."

"What is a heroin addict's favorite website? Instagram."

"Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter"

"Guys one of the Greek Gods is trying to destroy 80s music! H80s"

"If CON is the opposite of PRO is congress the opposite of progress?"

"Did you hear about the perforated comedian? He was tear-able!"

"A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded. I think it was a Jihaddy long legs."

"PUMP UP THE JAM! PUMP UP THE JAM! --- supervisor at the Smucker's factory."