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Joke of the Day

"I left my house for a five-mile-run this morning. But when I got a block away, I had to turn around and go back because I forgot something. I forgot I can't run five miles."

"It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church."

"How do you confuse an irishman? Lean 3 shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick."

"I now determine the days of the week based on Twitter. Is it Follow Friday yet?"

"Why does Kylo Ren have a hard time making friends? Because for most of his life, he's Ben Solo."

"""I'm proud to be an American"" ""I'm proud to be American!"" said the American. ""I'm proud to be Canadian!"" said the Canadian. ""I'm proud to be German!"" said the Nazi."

"What do iPhones eat for breakfast? Siri-al"

"Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a ""Hobbit"" movie."

"Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!"