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Joke of the Day

"What the hell is this REstraining Order?!? I never even got a Straining Order? I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out."

"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"

"What's brown and sticky? My poop."

"What runs all day but never gets tired? Water."

"A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'll serve You, but don't start anything."""

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now update your Facebook status."

"A man walks into a doctors office with a duck on his head... Duck says ""doc, you gotta get this guy out of my ass!"""

"I was at a hat shop and the sign read, ""ALL CAPS MUST GO!"" ...and I thought what hypocrites!"

"What would our founding fathers say if they saw the white house today? What the hell are Jefferson's kids doing in the white house?"

"All good things must come to an end, which means shitty things last forever."