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Joke of the Day
"Me: *doing magic trick* Is THIS your card? Guy: They're all my cards, give me my wallet back."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm? One roars with pain and the other pours with rain."
"Two Asians are watching the weather forecast... ... and the forecast reports that there will be showers in the area. The first Asian says, ""Oh man!"" And the second Asian says, ""Bah, rain."""
"What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle? Beef strokinoff"
"What do you call a promiscuous egg? Humped-me Dumped-me"
"Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work? Because he got Snowden"
"[talking to mcdonalds cashier] which burger has the most acai berry vitamins and superfood antioxidants?"
"what's Forrest Gump's password 1forrest1"
"In Korean restaurant w/my son & Korean waitress says to him""Hi, how are you""? ""Sorry I don't speak Chinese"" Great. I've raised a douche!"
"What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants."