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Joke of the Day

"My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can."

"What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both can be used to carry vegetables...."

"Some lady brought a gaggle of pre-teens to the movie, sat them down next to us & then sat elsewhere. I sold them all on the black market."

"A carpenter's workshop's light went out To find his way around, he picked up his hammer and saw."

"Zombie apocalypses suck. Everything comes back to bite you!"

"How many ants does it take to rent a house? Ten ants. ^lol"

"AT&T sent me a text apologizing for their service outage. I sent them a text thanking them for making it impossible for people to call me."

"Why is it called a Mango? Because Mancome wasn't selling"

"I spent a lot of years on ships. I beat off in the shower so much that every time it rains, I get a hard-on."

"I tried to make belt out of watches... ...but it was just a waist of time."