98559

Joke of the Day

"I'm crowd funding an organic lettuce purchase from Whole Foods."

"There are no winners in an arm wrestling match, only Nascar fans."

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? He didn't either."

"I think it's been enough time to warrant a Star Wars spoiler... Yoda is dead"

"What's long and hard and makes women cry at night? Crib death."

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"I got fired from my job as a massage therapist My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way."

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."

"Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human"

"I hope when you get to heaven, they give you a photo album with all the pictures you're in the background of."