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Joke of the Day

"Do you know what's the hardest about being a narcissist? Well, when I'm looking in the mirror, me."

"Instead of yelling ""Hello?"" when u think a murderer's in your home, say ""Goodbye"" Then if he's there he'll be like well OK guess I'm leaving"

"Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors, they barely cover up anything important."

"You can use your cat as a towel. There's no specific laws against it."

"Lets play railroad I'll be the train and ur the tunnel"

"Three nuns are sitting in the park... ...when a man comes up and flashes them. The first nun has a second stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach it."

"Ladies: If he's right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys."

"I began writing full time 20 years ago. I've sold lots - my tv, my car, my jewellery..."

"I like my women like I like my tea. In a bag, underwater."

"I'm a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)"