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Joke of the Day
"My relationship with the time traveling girl was over before it began."
Next Joke
"You need to understand latin and german to understand this one Ovum ovum, quid lacus ego."
"""SOMEONE IS VAPING"" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it ""HURRY"" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE ""OMG"" 911: GET OUT GET OUT"
"Before you reply angrily at a tweet, just ask yourself if you'd yell at a retarded kid for screaming irrelevant shit into a megaphone."
"Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month."
"I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?"
"Do you know how you can tell your roommate is gay? His dick tastes like shit."
"Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away? 1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children."
"Today is world piles day Get yourself checked. If you don't have piles, celebrate for being a ""perfect asshole"" If you do have piles, still celebrate, for being a ""pain in the ass"""