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Joke of the Day

"Ten years ago I gave up alcohol and women... it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. -George Best"

"""The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy."" ""What's the other eye called?"""

"I finally found out why OP never delivers!"

"how to you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? you wave at her."

"What is the difference between a Japanese person and a cannibal? One eats Ramen and the other eats raw men."

"Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]"

"Do we even know how much anything else costs in Africa? Maybe $1 a day to feed a child is way too much."

"I hate going to pancake houses because it just reminds me that I bought a stupid, non-delicious house."

"Email subject line: ""Your invited."" Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e."

"I just went to church and had communion. Ok it was a gas station and I had 2 donuts but I did say a prayer before scratching my lotto ticket"