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Joke of the Day

"Her: I heard your sister went to the US. Me: Yeah she did. Her: Which state? Me: Alaska. Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me."

"I was recently at an antiques store. I picked up a lamp and a genie popped out. He said ""I will grant you one wish, you can either have a long memory or a long penis"" I forget my response."

"Technically there is a lot of food in this house but none it is sweet or microwaveable therefore there is no food in the house."

"I accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future."

"What's long, green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger."

"Clean and jerk is a weight lifting term? Oh... *Tosses tissues in the trash*"

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale"

"1+1=3 It does take about 9 months though"

"Q: What do you call 4 blondes laying on the beach? A: Public access."

"ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive"