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Joke of the Day

"ME: hah, no way. well, maybe sometimes- or i guess...yes? i don't know, what was the question again INTERVIEWER: are you indecisive"

"Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text."

"I have Electile Dysfunction Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2016 election year."

"Why is gambling not allowed in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs."

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""

"What did the house turn into on the night of the full moon? A Warehouse."

"What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself? A nISISist"

"On second thought this ""Thug's Life"" tattoo probably shouldn't have been done in Comic Sans."

"What's the preferred beer of Dogme 95? Natural Light."

"Sometimes I wear a tinfoil hat. I'm not one of those wackjobs, it just makes being in the microwave more interesting."