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Joke of the Day
"""When I was your age, I invented the time machine"" I told my Granddad."
Next Joke
"Know the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish."
"If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length."
"What does Light Yagami drink at the bar? Tekira!"
"There is no Control (Ctrl) button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control."
"I need to pick up a random hunky guy in a bar, bring him home, have him invite a friend, and THEN mention that I need furniture rearranged"
"Admiral Ackbar sez, ""drop it like..."" http://i.imgur.com/R896U.jpg"
"parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun"
"What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried. *-Hannibal Lecter*"
"If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?"