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Joke of the Day

"What do you call ratting out the President's daughter for smoking weed? High treason."

"[on first date] Yes I'll have the- *whispers to waiter* I don't speak French *points at menu* ""The French toast, sir?"" Yeah. 6 of those."

"Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site. I was honest with my review: ""This telescope sucked. Two Stars."""

"Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river? Tequila."

"How to make a grown man cry. Take him shopping with you."

"Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?"

"What do Jimmy Saville and Lady Thatcher have in common? They both fucked miners in the 80s."

"Ninja level hiding skills! Why do you never see Hippos hiding up in trees?? Because they are so darn good at it."

"I'm going to confess my love to this sore throat so it'll be gone when I wake up in the morning."

"What does a gynocologist and a pizza man have in common? Thay can smell the goods, but they can't taste them."