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Joke of the Day

"[LPT] When cleaning a messy room start with your bed, you will have a better sense of accomplishment when you eventually give up and sob uncontrollably."

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"Why was the tree in prison because it committed treeson"
"I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though."
"I'll bet Miss Piggy kissed a lot of princes before she found her frog."
"I just got a job cleaning air ducts and I don't like it very much, but at least I have a job. Thanks for letting me vent."
"One day, my mother barged into my room and screamed, ""Turn off that gangsta rap music!"" I was listening to Lecrae..."
"guy next to me on my flight is just staring forward. no movie, no book, nothing. so its been nice knowing you I'm about to be murdered"
"Show me on this Russian nesting doll where the bad man hid many more, smaller versions of you"
"If you steal a Tesla... Does it become an Edison?"
"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"