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Joke of the Day

"Duck waddles in to a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm. ""Certainly sir, will that be cash or credit?."" ""Just put it on my bill."""

"strange love! Muhammad Ali said that he loved human beings but every time he beat the shit out of every human in the ring. I guess love finds many ways to express itself."

"Why do blondes prefer the pill instead the condom? Because it's waaay easier to swallow"

"If my 3YO's fortune was ""you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs,"" this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate"

"Damn girl are you a pair of sexy knickers??? You're cute on the outside but you're only covering a c*nt"

"Hey, pens at the bank: cool it with the chains. You are literally last on my list of things I'd like to steal from a bank."

"I became friends with a Lovecraftian alien.... It was a Mi-Go."

"My penis is like a shotgun I pump, shoot and reload"

"I'd write a book on parenting but it'd probably just end up being full of cocktail recipes."

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar QUICK! Bar the door and burn it down!"