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Joke of the Day

"If my 3YO's fortune was ""you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs,"" this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate"

"If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!"

"How many ninjas does it take to... Where did that lightbulb come from?!"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? One is a blood sucking parasite, and the other is an insect."

"If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of. (An American)"

"Wonderbra tried to defend there new bra today. But it didn't hold up in court."

"""I have a newt named Tiny."" ""Why do you call it Tiny?"" ""Because it's my newt."""

"What is the collective noun for children? A migraine."

"What was Hitler's greatest accomplishment? He killed Hitler"

"After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN."