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Joke of the Day

"My date told me I have nice skin. It's not like he's gonna make a mask out of it right? *nervous laugh*"

"I shake my head at people's stupidity so often that no one will even notice if I get Parkinson's."

"My wife of 58 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her ""Choose one, I can't do both."""

"What do fat girls do in the summertime? Stink."

"What do snowmen wear on their heads ? Ice caps !"

"Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of. Men want to play with the box the kids come out of."

"WebMD has integrated Google's Deepmind. On startup it performed a self diagnostic test. Turns out, it's cancer."

"Scientists have found out what a woman wants. But she had already changed her mind."

"License and registration please. ""Bears."" Excuse me? ""Beaaaaars."" Are you drunk sir? ""BEAAAARS!"" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*"

"thought being on acid at ikea would be scary but it was fine and i told people who walked the wrong way ""there are arrows here to guide you"""