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Joke of the Day

"My wife of 58 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her ""Choose one, I can't do both."""

"My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, ""Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"""

"Don't tell me about how you ""dressed up"" your baby for a special occasion. If you're wearing something you can shit in you aren't dressed up"

"Deer nuts are cheap they're under a buck."

"I went to a seafood disco last week I ended up pulling a mussel."

"Guy walks into a bar... Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck. Bartender said ""alright...but don't start nothing!"""

"A friend of mine got married on top of a mountain last year. Aye they say it was all downhill from there."

"You need glasses when you do maths Because it helps with division. -Barbara from Rooster Teeth"

"The philosopher says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full.... The sjw says the glass is half-fluid."

"What does a West Virginia woman say after sex? Git off me Pa, you're squishing my smokes."