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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did."

"My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library. I said it's for shelf-defense."

"About to eat at the Cheesecake Factory/commit a hate crime against my butthole."

"How to start an internet fight: 1. Write a comment 2. Wait"

"ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining? [A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]"

"Why was the 1 year old Ethiopian boy crying? He was having a midlife crisis."

"Went to watch 'Comedy Thesaurus - The Punny Years' at the local theater yesterday. Disappointing, it was just a play on words."

"How long does it take for mods to remove a post? [removed]"

"In the US the best men of all are called ""bros."" In the UK, it's ""lads."" Either way, they're both thoughtful, selfless & fun to be around."

"A man went to a meeting for premature ejaculators anonymous but there was no one there, he came to early."