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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me she has herpes. I told her it's not the end of the world, just a few bumps in the road."

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"I have a Polish friend who does microphone tests for bands. I have a Czech one two. Czech one two. Czech one two."
"I don't have black, Mexican, or Asian friends... But some of my friends are a bit more shady than others."
"A wizard walked into a gay bar and disappeared with a poof."
"When I want to cheat on my diet I buy food at Traitor Joe's."
"He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them."
"[infomercial] ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?! AUDIENCE: YES! *a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*"
"SCIENCE FACT: if you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die."
"My article on chickens was very well received. It might win the pullet-ser prize."
"A warning to prisoners of the Matrix Snitches get glitches"