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Joke of the Day

"Two things you should never do: 1. Run with scissors 2. Scissor with the runs"

"You're a guy, therefore you can't ""hehehehe""."

"What's worse than a polar bear? A bi-polar bear."

"okay Mary that guy just smiled at you play it cool oh my god he's coming over here play it cool play it cool HI THERE I'M WEARING TWO BRAS"

"What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom."

"So, if he gets divorced for the third time... Does Melania get to keep the White House?"

"""My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am."" - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car"

"Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend? It's not like they had to be there..."

"June Bugs are like College Dropouts They sleep all day, they party at night, and after a month, you don't see them anymore.."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute stops screwing the client when they die. Source: eavesdropping on the legal counsel at work."