28444

Joke of the Day

"okay Mary that guy just smiled at you play it cool oh my god he's coming over here play it cool play it cool HI THERE I'M WEARING TWO BRAS"

"What is amnesia? Is it: A) memory loss A) memory loss Or 3) The Battle of Hastings"

"Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last very long for fat people."

"My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid."

"My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy. Why did the sweater go to boot camp? To warm up!"

"Never confuse a colostomy bag with a whoopie cushion. Totally ruined Grandpa's 90th birthday."

"""Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?"" ""No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"

"Robin Williams isn't dead He just retired, he's on a beach somewhere sipping mimosas and watching the sun rise. Hope you finally found your peace."

"A feminist asked me how I view lesbians Apparently 'HD' wasn't the right answer"

"""If I had a bookstore I'd make the mystery section really hard to find."""