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Joke of the Day

"I'll never get picked for jury duty because I'd be the one on trial....."

"Don't just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair"

"Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal."

"*Looking in the mirror* Fix hair. Check teeth. Fix hair. Check butt. Fix hair. Side check. Suck in. Side check. Fix hair. *Sighs* walks..."

"Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house? The property taxes were gastronomical."

"Man, I have really bad diarrhea I need to get my shit together."

"If I had a dollar for every time a homeless person asked me for money... I'd still say no."

"my mom thinks im the only one that uses the internet this late... but little does she know, all of you exist"

"How many members of the NRA does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More guns."

"Did you hear about the bureaucrat who was a Platonist? They were really obsessed with forms."