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Joke of the Day

"my mom thinks im the only one that uses the internet this late... but little does she know, all of you exist"

"Do you guys remember that party at Bill Cosby's last weekend? Me neither."

"My Aunt Used to Drink 13's It's the Polish version of the seven & seven. Source: my dad... Not sure if he made it up or what but made me laugh."

"Why can't you lift weights on Monday? It's a week day."

"My dad called me a fool for taking a job at the penny factory. But the truth is it makes a lot of cents."

"What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear."

"Day three of MAN COLD. I feel death lurking. Its waiting for me to give up. Stay strong! Think of the cat. He'll eat you if you die."

"Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement."

"And the Lord said unto John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"Two cows in a field. One asks ""should I be worried about mad cow's disease""? ""Well I'm not"", the other replies, ""...because I'm a squirrel!"""