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Joke of the Day

"Bernie supporters voting for Trump isn't like drinking bleach, its like drinking castor oil... we know its going to be awful, but we have something we *really* need to get rid of."

"Why can a nose not be 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot!"

"Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes."

"A negative times a negative is a positive... So if they say, ""no"", twice, it ain't rape."

"What is Trump's favorite movie? ""Octopussy"""

"At some point, a guy looked at an onion that was clearly purple & called it red. AND WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE LETTING IT HAPPEN."

"How can you tell if Asians are good at sex ? Because out of 6 randomly chosen people, 3 will be Asians."

"How does an elephant go up a tree? It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow."

"*on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say ""swipe left""?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft"

"An unemployed prostitute approaches a brothel manager and asks for a job. The manager regrettably replies, ""Sorry, we have too many openings right now."""