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Joke of the Day

"Setting a dowry for my teenage daughter. So far I've got 2 dogs, 1 little sister and an ant farm. Act before midnight, I'll toss in an iPad."

"Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references ""yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"""

"Actors retweeting compliments is the modern day version of actors murdering hookers."

"Careers Advisor to American student: ""What do you want to be when you leave college?"" Student: ""Alive""."

"I finally found out why clickbait is so effective."

"What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders? Earning Sanders."

"I figured out that if I have my kids hold on to my cell phone, I will never forget them anywhere again."

"To the people who will be posting 9/11 jokes this month: Please don't do it. Making jokes about 9/11 is just **plane** wrong. ~~dontkillmeforthis~~"

"technically speaking being gay used to make me happy"

"Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire? A Snowman."