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Joke of the Day

"Someone fell asleep next to me on the bus so I'm drawing penises on their forehead. Let this be a warning to all sleepy toddlers out there."

"Why does a cow have hooves but not feet? Cause they lactose."

"Feed your kids soup for dinner, so you can sit at the table for 47 minutes and listening to slurping."

"Woke up 4 times to pee last night And each time only a little came out, my night of sleep was piss-poor"

"I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me because I just had an allergic reaction."

"Pretty sure 40% of Americans would vote for a giant finger that just pointed at people and said ""Their Fault."""

"What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking....J.K . Rowling"

"Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie."

"Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn't handle his roast"

"I held a baby today. I was scared it would make me want a baby, but it just made me want to be a baby."