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Joke of the Day

"Baby are you a library book? Because I'm probably going to forget about you under my bed until long after you're due."

"What is a dogs favourite flower ? Anything in your garden !"

"A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other... ...so I thought I would go over there and break the ice."

"A hipster walks into a bar... and says ""This place sucks now, it used to be better before all the hipsters took over."""

"Are you Russian? Cause I'll be Putin my dick in your mouth tonight. (Don't use as a pick up line doesn't work)"

"What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Counterfitz"

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"I thought /r/TwoXChromosomes was a mental retardation subreddit. The posts didn't convince me otherwise"

"[drops son off for 1st day at daycare] ""Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock."" ""Not a chance. He's your problem now."""

"Why did F'' (F double prime) have to go to the dentist? It had concavities..."