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Joke of the Day

"The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in Vietnam."

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"How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years."
"What's the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture."
"Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. ""We know, dear."""
"The person who took my sneakers while I was on the jumpy castle at McDonald's Please grow up."
"What is the most popular brand of Indian vodka? Patel One."
"a priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench... the priest sees some kids playing nearby. he leans over to the rabbi points and says ""how about we screw them"" the rabbi says ""out of what?"""
"I had a colonoscopy done the other day and I think it went really well... As I was walking out I overheard the nurses talking about me and I could hear one saying ""What an asshole!"""
"Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures."
"I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :("