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Joke of the Day

"Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009"

"Did you hear about the guy who haggled with a prostitute for sex in exchange for his pet deer? He was trying to get the most bang for his buck."

"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."

"What does rock music and my grandpa have in common? The Strokes"

"Why stop with two L's Lloyd? why?"

"It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick."

"What's a slutty witch's favorite holiday? Swalloween!"

"I went shopping for some lingerie for my wife. I asked the shop keep if the panties were satin. He said ""No, they're brand new""."

"I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce ""either"" as ""ee-ther"" or ""eye-ther"" He said, ""You can say either."""

"R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)"