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Joke of the Day

"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are."

"You know times are tough when you are totally jealous of your friends shopping spree... at the dollar store!"

"Who's the best grammar Nazi? Adolf Hitler's grandmother."

"I don't have the faintest idea why I passed out Just a short pun"

"Q: Name the country where the entire population is pissed. A: urination"

"BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES"

"Patient: Hey that tooth you pulled wasn't the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax I'm coming to it."

"Ebola walks into a bar.... ....and all of West Africa"

"Pokemon Go is just like Grindr... but for kids. And you try and catch Pokemon instead of catching AIDS."

"I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream."