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Joke of the Day

"Trump's wives were immigrants. Proving again that immigrants will do jobs Americans won't."

"- Your Honor, I'd like to plead insanity. - On what grounds?! - I'm married. - I'll allow it."

"I wish I felt as much passion for something as my dogs feel towards the doorbell."

"This is your captain speaking... **AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!**"

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"Nothing says ""I m not interested"" quite as loudly as showing up for a date"

"If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days."

"Cooking with Hitler Step 1. Turn on the gas"

"Two elderly men are lounging on the porch of the Socialist Nudist Club, and one says to the other.... ""Say old chap, have you read Marx?"" ""Why yes. It's these bloody wicker chairs!"""

"Selected a charity for my major donations this year. It's called Blink.org. They provide turn signals to the masses who can't afford them."